Shipping Up To Boston

ha i wish i was shipping up to boston. here is a little FF about yours truly... i'm in love with the city Boston, and want to live there one day and do something awesome there.

thanks to these things that make me think Boston is kinda cool...

Dropkick Murphys
Ally McBeal
The Departed
The Boondock Saints.

i'm weird i know. :)

Date night tonight... whoo!!

also enjoy this...

i am slowly going crazy...

I can't sleep. I've slept a lot since i've been sick and now that i'm feeling a little bit better, sleep is not coming so easily. i even woke up at 6:30am this morning, granted i didn't do a whole lot, spent a lot of the day with mom and that was great.

I'm dating a new guy, well new to date, i've known him since '99 so he's not so new. His name is Sean, and we came about being friends again when my friendship with Philly (no you cannot call him that) really started to take off. Philly I've also known since '99, and he's really one of the people that i trust most in this world, plus he is probably the funniest people i know. anyway, sean lives a whole 5 houses down, so it's pretty nice to have someone be within walking distance since i'm without a car right now. plus, he's pretty laid back about taking me places if the need be. there is always some sort of shananagains (is that to many na's?) and a lot of making fun of each other, which therefor causes massive amounts of laughter. These two defiantly brighten up my day no matter what.

Lets see is there any other Sweet J related news? Oh i got a new pair of slippers today, they're super comfortable and i never want to take them off of my feet... ever. they're heaven.

oh! i'm teaching myself how to play texas hold em on some app on myspace, so far i suck a lot.


i think that's it for now, i'm gonna throw in a little movie i like to call "The Departed" because that's the title of the film.

Sweet J

i lied

i lied... the last post said this post was going to be about where all the addiction began... but instead... i'm gonna say that sick or not on my birthday i have the best group of friend, the best brothers ever, and had a fantastic birthday! plus... my car insurance went down!

whoo hoo happy birthday weekend to me!!

coming up

you know on t.v. how they show the "next week on...." this is what this is...


next entry.... how it all started (my addictive life, not like my birth and shit)

Stupid promises!!!

of course i would pick a day like this to tell dad i would do work around the house! Why wouldn't i look at the 5 day forcast, and say, i'll do on this rainy day!!!

and to boot, my friend just called me to go shoot guns! Arrrrrrrrrrg! So there as been "hey come skateboard with me.", "hey come play disc golf", "hey take a ride with me to trade out my gun for a new one, then shoot them." damn them all. Brent has the gun fever!!

anyway here are some pictures from today that i took.... i like to sit on the roof on pretty days... ahh the grace of waiting for laundry!


that's me being metal cause i am!!

that's america.... fuck yeah....

thats my hand blocking the sun cause it hurts me eyeballs

my feets... hell yeah chucks and jeans!!

yeah i know i smoke... hush!



more to come later i'm sure i know you all just thrilled waiting on the edges of your chairs for my next post!!

Sweet J

p.s... dail days... who are you?

Lazy Day Shuffle

So I spent the night at my friend Sean's house cause i just couldn't bring myself to sleep alone. He lives 5 houses down, so it's not like it's across town or anything, but i broke yet another promise to my mom and dad about being here this morning in the sense that, i wasn't.

Anyway, he made me some coffee and we sat and watched like the first 6 sessions of Cowboy Bebop, which is an anime that i just loooooooooove. So starting off the day lazy, makes me want to stay lazy all day, I have my meet in a little less than 2 hours, and have to clean up the current room i'm sleeping in and move to where all of my stuff is. which moving the stuff isn't a big deal, i just don't want to sleep up there in the mist of all of that shit up there. Cause i have my whole apartment in one room. So hence lazy day shuffle being my title.

I suppose I better get to shuffling, or it's gonna be shuffled for me, and that is -never- good. trust me.


-Sweet J-

I wrote this to a fellow NA member via myspace...

this is the exact copy of the email i sent to him. and to be honest i dont know why i'm even posting it on here. encouragement from people who don't really know me i suppose?! there is very few times why i know why i do what i do or write what i wrote or say what i say. all i know is if it's in there it needs to come out.

so with that, no pitty comments, just honest open ones. :-/

i need to get this off my chest, and i didn't really want to email David or Allison and i didn't want to put it in a blog, and i don't know if I'll be at a meeting tonight, so I'm emailing you. i don't have a sponsor and you seem to be doing pretty well. so at this point if you don;t really want to read it, don't, but I'm going to write it anyway.

i just read the first i dunno 21 pages of the basic text, and it made me pretty upset. how is something that is suppose to be so good and healthy be so painful and wrong? at least that's how it feels to me. the shit that goes through my head on a minute to minute basis isn't fun. it's not healthy and it's not good at all. it's twisted and sick and whatever.

I'm loosing a lot of faith in NA right now, and I'm trying so hard. I'm even praying a lot. and I'm praying from the heart like you've been telling me too. and nothing is happening, i don't feel better, i don't feel like there is any extra guidance or solace to it. it just keeps getting more and more aggravating and frustratingly painful. I'm still clean, and maybe it's just the detox, maybe it's just the fact that maybe i haven't really admitted to myself that I'm powerless over my addiction. or maybe i don't think I'm really an addict. I'm not sure.

my hope is fading fast, so is my will to be a good person. I've always tried so hard to make people happy and make them laugh when they think they can't. I've never taken myself seriously, and i don't really want to. i fuck over person after person because i don't let anyone in to know who i am. i don't know who i am, and if the person I'm feeling like today and lately is the person i am, then i don't want to know me.

i sit in those rooms, and i listen to people day in and day out talk about the shit they went through and how grateful they are that their high power gave them all of this strength and a good life, and I'm not having any of that. i know that we're suppose to have patience and wait for it all to fall into place, but shit, i don't have it, and i want it now.

i haven't gotten out of bed today, not at all, I've been awake for hours, and i can't pull myself out of bed. for anything, even if someone called and said hey here are a bunch of free ___insert drug here_______ you can have them if you want, i don't think i would get up.

everyday my mom and my dad beg me to do little things around the house like pick up a pair of pants in the bathroom and i can't bring myself to get up and do it. I'm slipping Sam, i really don't know what to do or how to handle this life. I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself or hurt myself in anyway cause I'm not going to. that's just silly.

anyway, i think that's all i needed to drop off i suppose. i don't expect any response or discussion about it. just needed to get it out so maybe i can talk myself into getting up and picking up the pair of jeans in my bathroom floor.

i might see ya around, i might not. be safe.

J.