Morning Coffee

I don't have any super cute stories to tell, my stories that I know currently are about people who are addicts. I don't have any cute pictures to post because, I've stopped taking pictures. I have no words of wisdom, as if you would need them from me anyway. But what I do have is this forum to express myself and get out of my own head a little bit. It's honestly not very pretty in there, I've switched my addiction to drinking and whatever else to coffee, and there is no way i can function without it.

I've been going to NA (narcotics anonymous) pretty much every night. I've gotten a good sponsor who listens well, offers her advice, and many hugs. I've bonded with people that I never thought I would. I never thought that I would listen so hard to what a former crackhead would speak about. But I do. I'm there every night, listening, trying so hard to take something in. Trying to figure out what those damned 12 steps mean. How I need to use them.

I was talking to dad this morning (morning being lunch time mind you) about my process.
And he said "You can go as fast as you want to go with this process Jess, just do it.". And that confused me, because every night I hear people talk about "I just wanted to work the steps as fast as i could just fly through them, then i would relapse and get nothing out of it.". So I'm stuck, do i believe these "strangers" that understand exactly what I'm going through and have years and years of clean time? Or do I just listen to my father and fly through them? Obey thy Father and Mother? Work the steps in my own time so I get the most out of it?!

Who would have guested that all of this massive amount of confusion and thinking would happen in less than an hour of being awake on a Saturday morning (afternoon)?! Not this girl.

- Sweet J-